Faded Truth
by Blackened
Summary: Toned down version of the original, hopefully this meets the R rating... if not I apologise in advance... If i use the excuse that Im English does that work? SquallShiva SquallSelphie.
1. Fun With Shiva

Disclaimer: I do not own FF8 or its characters these are property of SquareSoft and its associates so please don't sue me! I am not making any money from this for you to take from me!!  
  
Author's note: This is a rewrite of the original as it breached the R rating set by FanFiction.net. Hopefully this version will meet this rating and I won't get another black mark against my name. For those of you who have already read this please re-read and tell me if it makes sense!! Thanx.  
  
Faded Truth (Cleaned Up)  
  
Squall Leonhart sat at his desk, his forehead resting in his hand as he idly rubbed his scar. It had been a long year since the battle with Ultimecia, one in which a lot had happened.  
  
He still had his position as Commander of Garden meaning he spent more time wielding paper than his gunblade. His lips moved slightly as if he was talking to himself.  
  
'What are you doing Shiva?' he thought to the GF resident in his mind.  
  
'What do you mean?' Shiva replied in mock affrontment.  
  
Squall smiled to himself as he recognised Shiva's guilty routine. 'Don't play with me Shiva. You've been in my head fir three years now. I know you too well!' he told her laughing softly.  
  
A vision of Shiva appeared in his mind and she stuck out her pale blue tongue. 'Meanie!' she told him.  
  
'I think you've been listening too much to Rinoa!' Squall replied jokingly.  
  
'Yeah well if you spent more time talking to me I wouldn't have to keep distracting you would I?' she told him sarcastically.  
  
'Ok. Ok! Let me finish these reports and then we can have some quality time ok?' Squall relented.  
  
'Ok, but hurry!' Shiva told him smiling and blowing him a little kiss making him shiver.  
  
Squall tried to focus on the report on the new cadet training as he felt Shiva slink back to her part of his mind.  
  
There had been worries that the use of GFs affected the memory but studies revealed that GFs only temporarily have an effect. When junctioned the GF takes up a place in the users mind, namely memory and usually a specific area. However once the GF is unjunctioned, that memory area returns.  
  
In Squall's case he lost the memory of parts of his childhood because of his permanent junction to Shiva. Not that he minded, he enjoyed the company of someone who felt at home in his cold mind.  
  
He couldn't get rid of Shiva even if he wanted to. That's the way it had been ever since he had come across her in the back of a cave entrapped in a cage of ice when he was fifteen and on a SeeD training exercise. He remembered seeing her smile at him as he came closer, mesmerised by her eyes.  
  
'HEY!' Shiva yelled at him.  
  
'What!?' Squall replied almost jumping out of his chair.  
  
'What have I told you about thinking naughty thoughts about me?' she told him laughing.  
  
'I wasn't!' Squall denied 'Anyway what are you hiding from me?' he asked.  
  
'Er... what do you mean?' Shiva asked caught off guard.  
  
'Well every time I start thinking about when we met you interrupt me!' Squall told her sensing her unease.  
  
'Well, um, it's kind of private and well...' Shiva stammered.  
  
'Shiva it involves me, what is it?' Squall persisted.  
  
'Ok I'll show you.' Shiva replied softly.  
  
Squall's vision flashed white as the flashback hit him.  
  
He was fifteen again and deep inside the cave, ice crystals reflecting the light into dazzling patterns as he made his way deeper. It was then he came across the wall of ice looking up at the young blue woman trapped behind it.  
  
She smiled at him as he looked into her eyes and asked with his mind 'Who are you?'  
  
'Shiva' the figure replied. 'Doesn't the cold bother you?' she then asked.  
  
'No, I like the cold.' Squall replied.  
  
'Really?' Shiva replied raising an eyebrow as the ice cage cracked and she reached out into his mind.  
  
She grinned as she touched it 'So I see, your mind is as cold as my home here.'  
  
'Are you a Guardian force?' Squall asked changing his grip on his gunblade.  
  
'I have been called as such but I prefer being called an Esper.' She replied and appeared before him as a figure his own height.  
  
She reached out and touched his cheek and asked 'You would like me to be your guardian?'  
  
Squall flinched as if struck. Shiva felt the blow to his pride. 'I guess not. How about a companion?' she told him leaning forward and pressing her cold lips to his.  
  
There was a clatter as Squall dropped his gunblade.  
  
Squall stepped back in surprise. 'What..?' he gasped  
  
'So lonely... Squall don't you want to let me in?' Shiva told him.  
  
'How did you know my name?' Squall asked his mind messed up in confusion, the kiss having frozen him and yet burned him at the same time.  
  
The shock having now gone he realised he hadn't wanted the feeling to go.  
  
'I can read into your mind.' Shiva replied softly.  
  
Squall appeared to have not heard this softly saying. 'But if I junction you, you can be taken away from me again.'  
  
Shiva smiled and replied 'There is a way where that cannot happen.'  
  
'You mean you'd be in my mind forever and I'd never lose you?' Squall asked.  
  
'Yes if that is what you want.' Shiva told him.  
  
'Yes I want that.' Squall replied his body shivering in anticipation.  
  
'Very well.' Shiva replied stepping towards him again and gently planting her lips on his again.  
  
This time Squall responded his hands moving onto her soft body, running his hands up her back as the kiss deepened.  
  
White lights filled his vision and then the walls of his office came back into view.  
  
'What!? We had sex?' Squall asked Shiva, painfully aware that he was aroused now and his body was soaked in sweat.  
  
'Yes, it was the only way for me to be permanently junctioned to you!' Shiva replied softly.  
  
'Why don't I remember it?' Squall asked his body tingling in pleasure.  
  
'I made you forget. It was better that way.' Shiva told him demurely.  
  
'Why tell me now? Why am I so turned on?' Squall inquired, running a gloved hand through his damp hair as sweat trickled into his eyes.  
  
'You asked me to. I'm sorry I guess I made the flashback too intense.' She answered adding softly 'Are you mad at me?'  
  
Squall smiled 'No I'm not mad at you Shiva I accepted you into me, I just didn't realise there was more to it than just junctioning.' He told her affectionately.  
  
'So that's why I couldn't let you junction to the others on that mission. We're together until I die right?' her added.  
  
'Yes' Shiva told him.  
  
'Good. At least I don't need to have sex anymore I'll just ask you to replay that flashback!' he told her grinning.  
  
'Hey naughty!' Shiva answered giggling and gave him a little chill.  
  
There was a knock at the door causing Shiva to disappear.  
  
'Come in.' Squall replied.  
  
The door opened and Rinoa walked in wearing her usual black shorts and blue skirt combo but a black sweater rather than her vest top and jacket.  
  
She walked up to his desk smiling. 'Haven't you forgot something Squall?' she asked slyly.  
  
'What?' Squall replied perplexed, his brow creasing.  
  
'You were meant to go check up on Selphie today.' She told him eyeing him critically.  
  
'Hey have you been working out?' she asked noticing the sweat.  
  
'Um yeah.' Squall mumbled.  
  
'Okay well Quistis said to be at the Ragnarok at three o'clock or else.' She told him grinning.  
  
'Oh god, was she smiling when she said that?' Squall asked.  
  
'Only kinda.' Rinoa told him laughing.  
  
'Hmm, okay tell her I'll be there. Aren't you coming?' he asked.  
  
'I can't. I've got Festival Committee. Selph will kill me if I don't get it sorted for when she gets back.' She replied giggling.  
  
'Okay, well I'll let you know how she's doing.' He told her smiling.  
  
'Well Commander, I'll let you go shower.' Rinoa told him winking.  
  
'Thanks Rinoa.' Squall told her as she made her way to leave the room.  
  
Squall sighed as she left. It had been four months since they had split up but seeing her was still a bit painful. Their split had shocked many of their friends but the truth was after the initial passion they were just too different to be more than just friends.  
  
Since she had become a SeeD while they were an item, Rinoa had stayed on helping with the festival and overseeing the division of Garden in the newly freed Timber with Xu.  
  
There was no real reason why she had to have left anyway, the split was friendly, the two of them having agreed that they couldn't stay together and Squall didn't want her to lose her friends in Garden.  
  
There had been more changes in the last year. Quistis had her instructor's license reinstated and was happily teaching cadets whilst also keeping Squall in shape as Commander, reminding of any events that might slip his mind like in today.  
  
The biggest shock was Squall's decision to let Seifer, Fujin and Raijin back into Garden. It had taken a while but the other students had adjusted to this and now the three of them were fully qualified SeeDs.  
  
With the agreement of Cid and Edea, Squall has let Fujin have Pandemona back since he had become unruly without his 'elemental'. Surprisingly of all was that Seifer no longer treated Squall as a rival but as a friend, an equal, the two of them often having fighting sessions in the Training grounds.  
  
As expected Zell had freaked out when Seifer first returned but since the battle with Ultimecia he had become more mellow and had accepted Seifer's presence after a few months, and had even agreed to tutoring Seifer in martial arts. Partly because it meant he was allowed to hit Seifer and get away with it.  
  
As for Selphie she went off to Trabia to help rebuild Garden there and Irvine had tagged along with her although after a year he hadn't been able to stop his flirting and commit himself to Selphie so the two never became the item everyone expected.  
  
Squall stood up from his desk and shrugged off his jacket.  
  
'One good thing about being Commander is that I get my own private shower.' He thought to himself kicking off his shoes as he made his way across the room through the door into the shower.  
  
He turned the tap, filling the room with a warm mist as he continued to take off his clothes and drop them in a heap in the corner. He carefully slipped his chain up over his neck and hung it on a small hook, the Griever medallion sparkling in the sunlight.  
  
He then stepped into the shower and drew the screen across letting the warm water wash away the sweat. The water caressed his cheeks and ran down his bare chest, slowly winding him down from his state of arousal. He tilted his head back letting the water soak his hair and stick it down to his head and he lost himself in the warm gentle caress of the shower. 


	2. Another Memory Lapse

Moments later he strolled out of the shower a black fluffy towel wrapped around his waist as water dripped onto the polished wood floor. Another towel draped over his shoulders and he used this to vigorously dry his torso as he padded over to his wardrobe.  
  
He slid open the white wooden door and unhooked an outfit off the rail and lay it out on the side as he continued to dry himself. He then slid open a drawer selecting a pair of black socks and boxer shorts before closing it.  
  
Satisfied he was dried enough, Squall slipped on the boxers underneath the towel and then unwound it from his waist, hopping on one leg as he pulled on one sock and then switched to the other.  
  
He took the black jeans off the coat hanger and quickly slid into them, zipping them up and buttoning them in one fluid motion before winding his red belts around his waist and buckling them.  
  
He tugged on a skin-tight black T-shirt and followed this with his favourite black jacket the furry collar tickling his cheeks. He cast around for his shoes and retrieved them from the two corners of the room where they had landed, kneeling down to slip them on and lacing them up.  
  
He then reached into the shower room taking his chain of its hook, ceremoniously putting it around his neck and setting the medallion in the middle of his chest. He quickly ran his hand through his hair to give it that tousled look, grabbed Lionheart from the wall and strapped it to his thigh before setting off for the Ragnarok at a quick pace.  
  
'Well Commander, you're five minutes early. Must be a record.' Quistis said dryly as he walked through the door to the parking lot.  
  
'Hey not bad for saying I was only reminded half an hour ago!' Squall retorted grinning.  
  
Quistis softly tutted under her breath ' Just what am I to do with you?' she asked gently tilting her head.  
  
'Save the Instructor routine for someone who needs it Quis.' Squall told her trying not to laugh.  
  
'Whatever.' Quistis replied grinning.  
  
'So we ready then?' Squall said making his way up into the Ragnarok.  
  
'Sure. We've been waiting for you Squall.' She told him.  
  
'Okay, okay! If I had help with the paper pushing I might be able to keep track of time!' Squall answered jokingly sitting down in the co-pilot seat and strapped himself in as Quistis slipped into the pilot seat.  
  
She then started the engines and pulled on the steering column as Ragnarok shot out of the extended parking lot and headed northeast to Trabia.  
  
They landed in the snowfields just outside Trabia Garden, Squall could hardly recognise it as the wreck he had seen after the missile strike over a year ago. He smiled at the new domed area to one side of Garden knowing that Selphie's influence had made sure that an amphitheatre was built.  
  
Thinking of Selphie he couldn't see her running out of Garden to meet them but no doubt she'd be there in a moment. Quistis and Squall walked up the path towards the entrance and sure enough Selphie came bouncing out energetically.  
  
'Hey guys!' she yelled running up to them.  
  
'Selphie.' Quistis said smiling and stepped back as Selphie threw herself round Quistis in a friendly hug that threatened to knock them both off balance.  
  
Squall laughed softly and Selphie broke away from Quistis. 'Hey! Don't think you can get away from it!' Selphie giggled and jumped on him.  
  
As Squall felt her arms wrap around his neck the world went white.  
  
'Squall! Squall!' he heard Selphie's voice cry out his eyes opening and the world becoming blue.  
  
'Squall are you alright? You just passed out!' Selphie said worried.  
  
Squall sat up confused and happy his jeans weren't so tight as to show off his arousal. 'Umm I must be overdoing it.' He mumbled and shakily stood up.  
  
'Maybe you should get some rest. We got you a room set up already since we have the Dance tonight.' Selphie told him gently taking his arm.  
  
'You're overlooking the restoration and you can still plan a festival? That's my Selphie!' Squall said smiling.  
  
Selphie led him to a room in the dormitory. 'I know it's not much but you're used to roughing it!' she told him teasingly as they walked into a medium sized room containing just a bed, desk and chair.  
  
'Besides I figured you'd like the Spartan look.' She told him laughing softly. 'Anyway you just get some rest and Quisty will come get you when it's time ok?'  
  
'But I'm meant to be here to see you!' Squall told her.  
  
'No buts! You can see me later! Now rest!' Selphie ordered him.  
  
'When did you become a dominatrix Selph?' Squall asked her jokingly as he lay on the bed.  
  
'Never you mind!' Selphie said laughing and stuck her tongue out at him as she left the room.  
  
'Ok, what the hell was that all about?' Squall asked Shiva when he was sure he was alone.  
  
'I think it was because I overdid the last flashback. It allowed you to access another memory when Selphie touched you.' Shiva told him.  
  
'What do you mean "another" memory? What else have you hidden form me Shiva?' Squall asked angrily.  
  
'Nothing that was the only other one!' Shiva replied quickly.  
  
'Then why doesn't Selphie mention it? Something like that would be hard to hide, especially with Rinoa and me getting together so soon after.' Squall said.  
  
'That's because Selphie doesn't remember either. Quezacoatl blanked her memory of it.' Shiva told him softly.  
  
'What? Why?' Squall demanded.  
  
'We had to, we know what you are like Squall and it would have affected the mission and that was too important for us to allow to happen.' Shiva explained.  
  
'Ok, maybe that's true but why didn't you tell me about it earlier?' Squall replied.  
  
'I was hoping for a better time.' Shiva told him her head hanging not wanting to look at him.  
  
'I see, well we can't change what's happened now.' Squall told her softly. 'It won't happen again if she touches me will it?' he asked.  
  
'No, you should be okay now.' Shiva told him.  
  
'Alright. Well I'd better rest now. Those visions really take it out of you.' Squall said.  
  
'Okay. Goodnight Squall.' Shiva said smiling slightly as she faded away.  
  
Squall closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind but he was unable to dislodge that vision in yellow.  
  
'Why can't I stop thinking about Selphie?' Squall asked himself as he tossed and turned on the bed.  
  
'Open your eyes Leonhart.' A quiet voice said in his head.  
  
'What are you talking about Shiva?' Squall asked.  
  
'Hey! That wasn't me! I was having a rest since you were supposed to be sleeping!' Shiva exclaimed.  
  
'Then who was that voice?' Squall asked perplexed.  
  
'Don't you recognise your own thoughts?' Shiva replied sarcastically.  
  
'My voice?' Squall asked. 'After all those GFs I've had in my head I'm not sure who's talking anymore!' he added laughing dryly.  
  
'Well maybe you should listen since you seem to want to tell yourself something.' Shiva told him smiling and then disappeared.  
  
'Thanks a lot Shiva.' Squall replied sarcastically.  
  
Squall lay back his arms folded under his head closing his eyes and tried to sort through the turmoil of his thoughts.  
  
Visions of Selphie flickered in his mind of when he first met her, the Dollet mission, the mission to Timber and the following events always of Selphie smiling, bouncing. Strangely only a couple of visions came form the awakened memory from when they had supposedly given in to lust.  
  
'But was it lust? Was it something more?' Squall thought to himself. 


	3. The Dance

A knock at the door woke him from his reverie.  
  
'Squall?' Quistis said softly as she poked her head around the door.  
  
'Yeah?' Squall answered sitting up and running a hand through his hair to unstuck it from the side of his head.  
  
'Time to get dressed for the dance, if you're up for it.' Quistis told him grinning.  
  
'Okay, I'm fine now though I may regret it when I find out what you and Selphie have picked out for me.' Squall replied.  
  
Quistis gave him a mock glare as she pushed the door open for him to see the suit she held in her hand on its hanger.  
  
'Is this to your satisfaction?' she asked sarcastically.  
  
'I don't know, you know how hard us men are to dress.' Squall teased, taking the suit out of her hands.  
  
'You got ten minutes to change or Selphie will come drag you out.' Quistis told him starting to pull the door shut.  
  
'Yes ma'am!' Squall mocked with a salute.  
  
Quistis glared at him and shut the door. Squall opened out the suit, relieved that Selphie knew he hated frills on a suit and had got him a simple but tasteful black suit with a white shirt and black bowtie.  
  
He changed into the suit, straightening out the jacket so it hung comfortably on him. He slipped the bowtie around his neck grimacing as he tucked it under the shirt collar and straightened it out. He then sat on his bed as he slipped on a pair of shiny black and stylish shoes that had been left for him before checking himself in the mirror and then steeped out into the corridor to meet Selphie and Quistis.  
  
As he stepped out of the door there was a wolf-whistle and he turned to find Selphie grinning. What she was wearing took his breath away. She was wearing a yellow ball gown with thin straps and a revealing yet respectable neckline. His eye moved down to the lacy bodice and to the flowing pleats of the dress which just reached the floor.  
  
'I'm glad someone like it.' She giggled.  
  
Squall coughed embarrassedly 'Yes, it's very nice' he told her hoping he wasn't blushing too much.  
  
He turned from Selphie to hide his embarrassment only to be met with an equally stunning vision.  
  
Quistis stood in front of him, her long blonde hair undone and flowing across her bare shoulders, wearing a tight peach coloured strapless dress which went down to her knees. She was also wearing pale pink gloves.  
  
'Have we done looking?' she teased raising an eyebrow.  
  
'I'm going to be killed when I walk in with you two.' Squall told them smiling.  
  
'And why's that?' Selphie asked taking his arm as Quistis took the other.  
  
'Well I think just about all the guys will be jealous that I'm with you whilst all the girls will be wishing they looked like you.' He replied.  
  
'Hmm was that a compliment Squall?' Quistis teased.  
  
'No just honesty. Now shall we?' Squall answered as he led the way to the dance.  
  
They stepped through the doors to the amphitheatre to be dazzled by the bright colours of the decorations and the music playing in the background over the hum of voices which, stopped instantly as everyone turned to look at them.  
  
The voices returned as everyone looked away and started talking again. The three if them walked over to a small table draped with a white tablecloth, silver candlesticks placed in the centre while gold edged place cards with their names showed them to their seats.  
  
'Spared no expenses I see.' Squall said smiling softly.  
  
'Well the opening night has to be big!' Selphie gushed.  
  
'Care to dance?' Squall asked Selphie extending his hand to her.  
  
Selphie giggled in surprise and embarrassment and took his hand 'Of course.' She replied grinning.  
  
Sqall slowly led her onto the dance floor as a slow song was playing. Selphie held onto his hand as his other went to her hip and she rested her free hand on his shoulder. They danced slowly stepping back a few steps then a few to the side and around in a square, Squall occasionally twirling Selphies petite form.  
  
He looked down into her eyes as she smiled up at him and he fought the visions that wanted to flash before his eyes. He wanted to see Selphie as she was now not form the lust crazed then.  
  
In a darkened corner a tall figure in a cowboy hat stood against a pillar watching them dance, his cheeks reddening slowly in anger and drunkenness.  
  
The dancing continued Squall not wanting to let her go. It was their fourth consecutive dance and sweat beaded his forehead and soaked the small of his back. They were so close together now Squall having slid his other hand to her hips whilst Selphie had wrapped her arms around his next and rested her head on his chest.  
  
The music was so slow now and a deep soulful tune that the couples on the dance floor slowly rocked in time to the music.  
  
Selphie's hair tickled Squall's chin as he swayed with her in his arms, now wrapped around her waist.  
  
Squall felt a hand roughly pull his arm tearing him away from Selphie in surprise. Squall was spun round as Selphie yelped in shock and he found himself looking into Irvine's bloodshot eyes, his face red with alcohol which was crystallising on his breath and his body trembling with anger.  
  
'Get your hands off her!' Irvine growled and swung for Squall before giving him chance to say anything.  
  
Squall was able to bring an arm up, blocking Irvine's fist making him sway drunkenly.  
  
'What's the matter with you?' Squall asked, still in shock, adrenaline flooding his veins.  
  
'Selphie's mine...' Irvine slurred.  
  
'I am not yours!' Selphie snapped poking him in the chest angrily.  
  
'You had your chance Irvine but you threw it away to be a stud so don't come trying to act like you own, I own myself!' Selphie hissed at him as everyone turned to watch the scene while Squall gazed at Selphie in surprise at her anger.  
  
'And as for Squall we were just dancing!' she yelled and strode away from him.  
  
Squall felt a twinge of hurt 'Only a dance?' he thought to himself.  
  
'Irvine you're drunk, it might be best if you went and slept it off.' He said to a dumbstruck Irvine.  
  
Squall then chased after Selphie.  
  
'Selphie wait up!' he called after her.  
  
She spun round with an evil look and her mouth ready to yell until she realised who it was and her face softened.  
  
'Are you okay?' Squall asked softly.  
  
'Yeah, just annoyed at that jerk. He's ruined the dance now.' Selphie replied her voice tinged with bitterness.  
  
Squall put a comforting arm around her 'Well everyone has gone back to dancing now.' He told her.  
  
'I can't go back in, I don't want to see him. Squall will you come with me to my room? I just need to get away but I don't want to be alone.' She told him looking up at him expectantly.  
  
'Of course. I came to see you remember.' He replied smiling and softly squeezing her.  
  
'Thanks.' She said grinning and led him to her room. 


	4. Back With Selphie

They got to her room and Selphie opened the door turning on the light switch bathing her room in pale light.  
  
'Sorry about the mess.' She told him shyly as he noticed the clothes draped over chairs and her desk.  
  
'Find a seat, I'll be out in a minute.' She told him as she disappeared into a closet.  
  
Squall sat gingerly on a comfy chair after carefully and embarrassedly moving Selphie's bras to her desk whilst muffled rustlings came from the closet. Eventually Selphie came out wearing a pair of yellow denim shorts and a baggy white T-shirt.  
  
'Now I feel over-dressed.' He teased.  
  
'Well I could help you out if you don't mind wearing girl's clothes.' She retorted grining.  
  
'Feeling better?' Squall asked and was surprised when Selphie knelt at his feet.  
  
'I will after you give my shoulders a massage.' She said softly.  
  
'Okay.' Squall replied swallowing nervously and Selphie turned around sitting with her back against his legs as she stuck her own out in front of her.  
  
Squall tenderly and hesitantly moved his hands to her shoulders, his fingers tracing her muscles through the material of her top.  
  
Selphie sighed softly and closed her eyes as Squall's hands eased the tension tied up in her neck and back. Squall could feel her melt in his hands her head falling forwards slowly.  
  
Squall couldn't stop himself as he moved his hands through her hair, gently brushing her hair back behind her ears. Selphie murmured softly her eyes still closed as she rested her head back on his knees.  
  
Squall smiled at the expression of peace that crossed her face as she pushed head back into his caressing hand as her own lay limp in her lap. Squall moved his hands from her hair and slid them over her shoulders and down her arms making her hands twitch.  
  
She opened her eyes looking up at him and pouted 'Why did you stop?' she asked softly.  
  
'I didn't want you getting so relaxed that you fell asleep.' He told her.  
  
'I wasn't falling asleep!' she told him and as if to prove it she energetically bounced up.  
  
'It's not like it was a bad thing Selphie.' Squall told her trying not to smile as she seemed to vibrate on the spot.  
  
'Just wrong time and place.' He thought to himself.  
  
'That's okay then.' She replied, yawning happily as she sat across Squall's lap making him nervous and uncomfortable.  
  
Selphie giggled as she noticed this.  
  
'What's the matter Squall? I thought you'd be used to this now.' She teased and tormented him by moving around a little.  
  
'What's going on here? Am I dreaming?' Squall thought to himself whilst trying to prevent his arousal.  
  
Selphie leant in seductively, her lips nearly touching his as she whispered 'Tell me that this is what you wanted on the dance floor.'  
  
Squall didn't reply instead he moved into her lips, tentatively kissing her. Selphie's arm snaked around the back of his head, grabbing his hair and pulling him in, her lips parting under the intensity of the kiss.  
  
Squall kept his eyes open looking at Selphie's closed ones as their lips pressed together hard and moved against each other as the kiss continued, tongues slowly sliding over each other.  
  
Selphie felt Squall's hand slide under her T-shirt and caress her bare skin as she tried to suppress a smile that'd interfere with the kiss. She moved slowly, straddling his legs to allow him easy access of her body and felt his fingers twitch in surprise as they brushed the soft warm flesh of her breast rather than the material of a bra that he'd been expecting to put up resistance.  
  
Selphie kissed him harder wrapping her other arm around his neck whilst running a hand though his hair. Meanwhile Squall wrapped his free arm around her waist and stood up, carrying her to the bed where he dropped her onto it still kissing her passionately as she lay under him.  
  
Squall awoke and there was a moment of confusion, that feeling everyone gets when they first wake and come back to reality from their dreams and readjust to their environment.  
  
He raised his head from the pillow and noticed an arm draped over his bare chest whilst Selphie's head rested on his shoulder her brown/auburn hair splayed over his skin hiding her face.  
  
He tenderly swept he hair back to see her sleep.  
  
Selphie mumbled softly, awoke yawning slowly and blinked her sleepy eyes.  
  
'Morning.' Squall told her smiling.  
  
'Is it?' Selphie replied grinning and stretched her body rubbing against his.  
  
'I gave you a mark I see.' She giggled looking at his neck.  
  
'Staking your territory huh?' Squall retorted.  
  
'Yep.' Selphie said happily and rolled on top of him, sitting up and exposing her bare chest.  
  
Squall blushed as he looked up at her.  
  
'Aww, getting all embarrassed now? You were okay to look down my top the first time we bumped into each other.' Selphie teased.  
  
Squall squirmed under her. 'You noticed that huh?' he replied arching an eyebrow.  
  
'Well it wasn't like you did it discreetly!' she told him.  
  
'I guess I'd better get up. No doubt Quistis is looking for me.' Squall sighed softly.  
  
Selphie pouted 'I guess so, plus she won't be happy about this.' She said.  
  
'Why? Squall asked amazed.  
  
Selphie tapped him on the head playfully. 'Haven't you noticed how she feels about you? First you get with Rinoa, now me. It'll destroy her!' she told him, then added jokingly 'Unless you're gonna get with her next?'  
  
Squall wasn't sure she was serious or not about the last comment but replied ' Yeah but I realised that my feelings for Rinoa back then were misplaced.'  
  
'Oh? How so?' Selphie asked inquisitively.  
  
'I know not that I was really in love with you Selphie, but the SeeD in me wouldn't allow it since it would interfere with the mission.' He told her lying about the latter part. In truth the memory loss had caused his pent up feelings to be expressed onto Rinoa.  
  
'I see.' Selphie smiled and added 'So it actually meant something to you that time we did it on the train to Timber?'  
  
'What!?' Squall sputtered in shock. 'She remembers?' he thought to himself.  
  
'You don't remember?' Selphie said hurt and slid off him. 'Quezacoatl hid it from me so maybe it's been hidden from you?' she said sadly to herself.  
  
Squall slid up behind her wrapping his arms around her. 'Yes it was hidden from me but I remembered it yesterday. It all came back to me when I fainted.' He admitted. 'I didn't want to say anything because I was told you didn't remember.'  
  
Selphie leant back in his arms.  
  
'I didn't until last night when you massaged my shoulders, when you thought I was falling asleep I was actually seeing what happened. It explained so much, why I held Irvine off and why I wanted you so much at the dance.' She told him softly.  
  
'And now you have me.' Squall whispered softly.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
'Selphie? Have you seen Squall?' Quistis' voice came through the wooden door.  
  
They broke away and Squall stood up looking for his clothes. Squall and Selphie looked at each other feeling worried and guilty although Squall was wondering why he should be, he was doing nothing wrong.  
  
He pulled on his trousers as Selphie threw on her T-shirt and he couldn't help noticing how it came down to the middle of her shapely thighs.  
  
'Selphie are you awake?' Quistis said knocking again.  
  
Selphie gave Squall an imploring look and he sighed softly. 'May as well get this over with.' He thought to himself and went over to the door in just his trousers and opened the door making Quistis' eyes open wide in shock and flash with hurt.  
  
'Squall!?' she said trying not to stutter.  
  
'You were looking for me?' he said softly.  
  
'Yes but I wasn't expecting to look at so much.' A part of Quistis' mind said to her as she gazed at his bare muscular torso.  
  
'We have things to do Commander.' She berated him but Squall knew it was because of the shock and the hurt of seeing him with Selphie that made her so harsh.  
  
'Okay just give me a while alright?' he told her.  
  
'Fine meet me in the cafeteria in half an hour.' She said curtly and strode off. 


	5. Visitations

'Well that could've been worse.' Squall said quietly and started picking up the rest of his suit.  
  
Selphie wrapped her arms around him.  
  
'She'll be fine, in time. Quistis is a strong woman.' She said softly.  
  
'I just feel bad hurting her.' Squall replied.  
  
'You can't help the way you feel, neither can Quistis, she knows that.' Selphie told him consolingly.  
  
'That's true I can't help what I feel.' Squall said grinning mischievously and started tickling her.  
  
Selphie shrieked loudly 'Hey! Stop it!' she yelled at him.  
  
Squall laughed and let her go. 'Sorry, I couldn't help it.' He told her grinning.  
  
'Shame you don't have a shower.' He said winking.  
  
Selphie laughed 'Down boy!' she teased.  
  
'You'd better behave now, we have to go meet Quistis soon remember.' She told him.  
  
'True, and I need to get out of this suit.' He replied putting on the torn remains of his shirt and jacket.  
  
Selphie giggled 'I guess I was a little too rough huh?' she grinned.  
  
'Well I preferred being out of the suit anyway.' Squall told her.  
  
Squall waited for Selphie to get dressed and then they both went to Squall's room where he changed back into his own comfortable clothes.  
  
'Better?' Selphie asked as Squall rubbed his cheek against his fur collar.  
  
'Much.' Squall said simply and slipped his hand into hers.  
  
Selphie smiled and said 'I thought you like to be private?' squeezing his hand.  
  
'I like touching you more.' He whispered in reply as they headed to the cafeteria.  
  
They arrived to find Quistis eating a muffin her eyes slightly reddened. 'Squall, Selphie.' She said with a strained smile.  
  
'Quistis.' Squall nodded.  
  
'Hey is that a chocolate muffin?' Selphie asked breaking away from Squall and bounced away to the counter to get her own.  
  
Squall sat opposite Quistis and looked at her intently. 'Talk.' He said softly.  
  
Quistis looked at him taken aback.  
  
'What?' she asked surprised.  
  
'This time I'll listen, I know you're hurt, stop hiding.' He told her.  
  
Quistis laughed mirthlessly. 'You're telling me how to express myself?' she retorted.  
  
'Maybe I'm the best person for it.' He replied still not breaking his gaze.  
  
Selphie looked over to them and realised what was happening so she decided to eat her muffin at the counter and leave them to it.  
  
'Why not me?' Quistis asked him.  
  
'Because I can't feel that way about you Quistis, to let you think otherwise would hurt you more.' Squall replied.  
  
'What stops you?' Quistis said quietly.  
  
'Brotherly love. I've always seen you as a big sister and then when you became an Instructor you became my teacher too. With the way I grew up with you my heart and mind couldn't see you in that way.' Squall explained.  
  
Quistis smiled 'I thought you didn't care for me at all.' She told him.  
  
'Well back then I didn't want anyone to know I cared, didn't want to risk attachment for fear of loss, especially after Ellone. But you should know you're one of my dearest friends.' Squall said softly squeezing her hand.  
  
'Thanks Squall. Lets hope you have the energy to keep up with Selphie.' Quistis teased.  
  
'Hey!! I heard that!' Selphie cried out as she came over to them.  
  
'Well you are hyperactive!' Quistis said laughing.  
  
Selphie stuck her tongue out in reply.  
  
'So are you ready to go back to Balamb?' Quistis asked.  
  
'Already?' Squall groaned.  
  
'Afraid so. No doubt you have a mound of paperwork on your desk waiting for you.' Quistis replied.  
  
'That's true but I haven't checked out the state of Garden here yet. That was one of the main reasons for visiting.' Squall told her.  
  
'Well we're still loading and unloading so you have a while yet.' Quistis informed him.  
  
'Great! My turn to give you a guided tour!' Selphie said grinning and took Squall's arm whilst Quistis rolled her eyes sarcastically.  
  
For the next couple of hours Squall strolled through Trabia Garden with Selphie chattering excitedly about each of the different areas. Like Balamb it had the eight main areas; Front Gate, the Quad whose main feature was the amphitheatre, the Cafeteria from where they had left. The Infirmary, at the back taking up a large area was the Dormitories split into male and female wings. Next was the Parking Lot with its resident snowmobiles, the Library so far filled with copies from Balmb library and finally the Training centre which unlike Balamb was a snowfield where Snowlions and Mesmerises roamed.  
  
In an outer ring around the building were the teaching rooms and offices all furnished and filled with facilities.  
  
'Sure have done a lot here haven't you?' Squall said in awe.  
  
'Well we all worked together!' Selphie said happily.  
  
'And when it's finished?' Squall asked softly.  
  
'What do you mean?' Selphie asked unsurely.  
  
'Will you come back to Balamb?' he replied.  
  
'I guess...' Selphie said slowly.  
  
'Okay I suppose it was wrong of me to suggest that.' Squall told her.  
  
'No, you just wanted me to be with you. I'm happy about it!' Selphie replied and threw her arms around his waist and nuzzled his chest. Squall held her to him feeling strange at how easily this came to him.  
  
With Rinoa he had been awkward in expressing himself affectionately but here and now with Selphie it was so natural, just like wielding his gunblade.  
  
'I suppose it's time we headed back.' Squall sighed sadly.  
  
Selphie nodded silently in reply as she slid away from him and to his side holding his hand as they walked back to the front gate where Quistis would be waiting.  
  
And there she was standing sternly on what once was cracked and ruptured tarmac, now smooth marble gravel with hardy green ferns growing at its edge.  
  
'It's time to go Squall.' She said softly and was surprised as Selphie peeled away from Squall and gave her a goodbye hug which made her lips twitch into a brief smile.  
  
This was then replaced by a pang of jealousy and she rolled her eyes in annoyance as Selphie and Squall kissed goodbye.  
  
Squall and Selphie pulled away gazing into each other's eyes and smiling, lost in their own world.  
  
'So when will I get to be with you again?' Squall asked softly, playing with hand.  
  
'Soon. I have to comer back to Balamb for the festival so don't work too hard that you can't play when I arrive.' Selphie replied mischievously.  
  
'Okay.' Squall said still holding onto her unable to tear himself away until Quistis let out an exasperated breath.  
  
'I'm coming, I'm coming.' Squall said sadly as he finally let go of Selphie's hand with extreme reluctance.  
  
Selphie smiled sadly in return and watched them walking up the ramp into Ragnarok. Bouncing madly she waved enthusiastically as the ramp closed swallowing Squall and Quistis.  
  
She gazed up at the passenger cabin looking for Squall as the air rumbled and Ragnarok lifted off, steam and smoke flowing from Ragnarok's jets in huge plumes. Squall gazed out the passenger window smiling as he watched a bouncing Selphie become a smaller and smaller dot as Ragnarok flew off through the clouds.  
  
Later that night Squall lay in his bed on his back, the warmth of his thick quilt making him drowsy as he fought back against sleep wanting to stay awake so he could keep picturing Selphie in the darkness behind his eyelids.  
  
Eventually Squall lost this battle but was rewarded in his defeat by Selphie invading his dreams, waltzing around his mind. Her bright smile lightened up his usually dark dreams, of grey stone and heavy rain, the black sky that was synonymous with loss of a loved one.  
  
But this night the sky was sunny, shafts of light refracted through glass, the rays catching the curves of Selphie's body, highlighting strands of her hair as she twirled in his arms. Slowly the dance floor faded away slowly replaced by snow, which crunched under their feet as they still danced unable to break away from each other.  
  
Not looking where he was going Squall tripped over a fern falling face down in the snow. He looked up the snow melting and running down his face clearing his vision but Selphie had disappeared.  
  
He awoke abruptly, his body cold, his hairs standing on end amidst goose- pimples. He looked down and around the room wildly, disoriented, his vision still blurry from sleep.  
  
He groped for his quilt but found it had slipped away, but the room was warm, that couldn't explain why he was so cold.  
  
Further mental processes picked up speed as he crept through stages of sleep to awake and alert. A message from his legs finally reached his conscious mind and let him know they couldn't move causing panic to break out in his mind.  
  
Fear mentally froze him, unable to think, unable to move as paralysis gripped the rest of his body. Helpless he lay there chilled to the bone as he became aware of a sensation on the skin of his abdomen, his abdominal muscles clenched involuntarily as a cold invisible tendril traced serpentine lines over his flesh before circling his belly button.  
  
The hairs rose on the back of his neck as in this grip of inexplicable fear, the cold caress was somehow arousing.  
  
The caressing tendrils moved up his body making small dimples in his skin as they did so. They crept over the bare hairless skin of his chest, teasingly circling his nipples, which hardened automatically in response.  
  
Strands of his hair moved away from his forehead of their own accord as his eyes frantically sought for his tormentor. He felt a cold tingle on the flesh of his forehead and then it was gone, his body twitching as movement and warmth returned and he lay there breathing heavily.  
  
He sat up in his bed swinging his legs out over the side so his feet touched the floor. His chest heaved as he tried to calm down, his heart beating so fast it was a purr. Fear still gripped him, his spine was a tingling rod of ice as he tried futily to find what had tortured him.  
  
Moments passed in the dark, the only sound was his own breaths and his beating heart. Fear had ebbed away leaving confusion and the exhaustion of a dying adrenaline backwash.  
  
He picked up his quilt from the floor and pulled it over himself, comforted by the snug security of it. He lay back somewhat calmer, resting his head on his pillow as his eyelids drooped and flickered open.  
  
Possibilities for the events of the last five minutes filed through his thoughts. Some such as ghosts and other entities were quickly dismissed while the more rational likelihood of sleep paralysis was settled on by the more logical parts of his mind.  
  
Once his thoughts had gathered and rationalised his ordeal, Squall was able to cast it to the back of his mind and started to visualise Selphie in an attempt to draw his tired body to a blissful state and eventually sleep. 


	6. A Man With Two Angels

Faint light could be seen through his eyelids as they fluttered open, waking from his dreamless sleep. He stretched in his bed, his body feeling strangely unrefreshed. Throwing the covers off himself and rolling out of bed, he padded over to a sliding door, which hid a washbasin and mirror. Squall rubbed his eyes and face in an effort to wake up and blinked into the mirror. His eyes widened in surprise and his hands rose to his chest as he noticed small circular bruises that weren't there the night before.  
  
He couldn't disregard them as marks Selphie had gave him since the one on his neck was a darker shade of purple. He gave up pondering on the spontaneous generation of bruises as he continued his morning routine of washing and brushing his teeth.  
  
He dressed in a daze, pulling on black jeans, a white T-shirt and a black short sleeved shirt. He groaned inwardly as he remembered the paperwork that awaited him.  
  
On his way to his office he bumped into Rinoa who seemed to be lost in her own world.  
  
'Hey.' She said smiling looking up into his eyes where he noticed a flicker of her attention as she glanced at his neck.  
  
'Oooh... get lucky in Trabia?' she teased.  
  
Squall clapped a hand to his neck and blushed. 'I don't have time for this.' He muttered.  
  
Rinoa arched an eyebrow 'So you're not going to tell me who it was?' she asked.  
  
'What does it matter?' Squall replied feeling this wasn't something to discuss with an ex even if you were still friends.  
  
'Ohh, touchy. I was only teasing. Whoever she is you'd better not be this grouchy with them.' She admonished him.  
  
'Whatever. I'm sorry Rinoa but I didn't get much sleep and I've got work to do.' He told her walking off as she giggled and said 'I'll bet' to his retreating back.  
  
Squall slumped into the office and gazed at his desk. To his surprise the mountain of paper he expected to be awaiting him was a mere layer. A few simple mission reports, promotion slips to sign and details on Timber division and that was it.  
  
Whilst sitting back in his chair, eyes closed, he became aware of a soft long squeak and then a click as his door locked. Opening his eyes instantly he scanned the room seeing no one.  
  
It was then hands pushed him back against the chair by his shoulders but there were no hands there to be seen. Fear gripped him as he panicked, wondering if he was having a nightmare, trying to pinch himself but now his arms were pinned to the sides of the chair leaving him to the mercy of this invisible force.  
  
Paralysed, Squall was unable to stop unseen hands tearing open his T-shirt exposing his bare chest, leaving him to watch as the fabric ripped all the way down to his waist.  
  
'What's going on?' he murmured his mind wilding trying to comprehend what was going on but failing as arousing signals over rode it as the sensation of lips on his skin and a gentle motion against his groin fused his thoughts.  
  
Squall moaned softly, his head tilting back in a subconscious reaction, eyes closing as the pleasure washed over him and he tried to fight it.  
  
He felt the release of tension in his groin and vaguely recalled the soft sound of a zip but this was drowned out by the heat and scent of heavy breaths as they blew over his face.  
  
This finally got him to open his eyes and he was met with a vision of blue fine strands that cascaded down over his cheeks, framing deep sapphire eyes that glinted like ice crystals while small wisps of steam came from full blue lips surrounded by skin that was white yet somehow very slightly tinged blue, a blue so pale it barely registered.  
  
'Shiva?' he gasped out loud as he could finally see his captor but was muffled as her lips pressed against his, her tongue slipping between them preventing any protests.  
  
Squall sat helpless against her unrelenting passion, his body controlled by her will, until finally subdued she collapsed, shrieking, onto his shoulder, her hair tickling his face as she sat in his lap.  
  
Squall was too drained to push her away or feel the rage he knew he should. Instead he whispered a simple question. 'Why?'  
  
'Because I love you Squall.' She replied tenderly, her face still buried in the nook of his neck and shoulder.  
  
'Are you sure it isn't lust because you don't show love by abusing someone like this or like last night.' He said sharply still sat limply in the chair, arms draped over her thighs.  
  
Shiva sat up, hurt burning her eyes as she looked at him. 'How about the way I protect you? I take your pain yet you never thought to soothe mine.' She snapped.  
  
'That's the truth isn't it? You hid what I felt for Selphie because you were jealous.' He retorted softly as his mind worked things out yet another part of him felt guilty at the truth of her words.  
  
'Yes I was jealous. You never once looked at me as you did when you first met her. You said you wanted me but as soon as you took me I was cast deep into your mind, made into a tool.' She replied bitterly.  
  
'You made me forget what happened between us in the cave.' Squall replied pained by the tears in her eyes.  
  
'Only that we made love. I never made you forget why you willingly accepted me.' She told him, her body quivering as she fought back tears.  
  
'I'm sorry Shiva... but surely you know this can't work.' He said softly his hands twitching to life and moving comfortingly to her back.  
  
'Why not?' she demanded.  
  
'I'm in love with Selphie, I can't cheat on her.' He told her gripping onto this one fact as his world was slipping away.  
  
'Why not? Don't you love me?' she asked hurt.  
  
Squall sighed. 'The truth is I really do Shiva but not in the same way, besides how can it work between a human and a GF?' he said to her still looking into her eyes.  
  
'Shiva ran a hand through his hair tracing his scar. 'I'm with you always just as you asked. I watched as you got this injury, in fear and terror that you would perish and I would be torn from you. I never felt this way for anyone, human or otherwise, we have your whole life to give it a try' she whispered.  
  
'What of children?' Squall mused.  
  
'Do you really want to be a father?' she asked.  
  
'I want to leave something of myself in this world regardless of my fears that I may not be there for them.' He replied.  
  
'Then I could always share you, just like I have these past few years.' She replied her hands placed on his chest over his heart.  
  
'You don't ask if I wish to be shared?' Squall asked mildly.  
  
'I have no need. You willingly accepted me. I share your existence now and always.' Shiva explained.  
  
She was surprised as Squall pushed her back pinning her to the desk so she was bent back, having to tilt her chin down to look into his grey eyes that gleamed wildly.  
  
'Is this what you want?' he asked forcefully as he aggressively kissed her neck moving down to her breasts sucking and biting making her cry in pain and pleasure, her inner thighs aching as she was still impaled on him.  
  
Squall stopped abruptly and looked her in the eyes. 'Well?' he asked.  
  
'Not like this.' Shiva cried.  
  
'Why not? It's what you did to me.' He replied releasing her.  
  
'Fine but it was the only way for me.' Shiva told him sitting up.  
  
'It wasn't, there is always a choice. I can't do this Shiva, not to Selphie.' Squall told her acutely aware how bad this was looking to anyone who might see.  
  
'She will never have to know.' Shiva whispered gazing at him imploringly.  
  
'I can't...' he told her but defiance was draining under her gaze and touch.  
  
'All you have to do is love me like you love her, the only physical contact I will need is cuddles and kisses, I promise.' She told him softly her lips so close to his they almost brushed against them.  
  
'Okay Shiva I promise too.' He whispered in reply his eyes closing as he lost himself to her.  
  
He awoke, his cheek resting on his desk, arms sprawled over the paperwork as he had slumped forward in his chair. He sat up pulling the piece of paper stuck to his cheek. Confused, he rubbed his eyes wondering if what had happened with Shiva was a dream but a cold draft on his chest made him look down and see the ripped T-shirt.  
  
'So it was real. I never knew how deeply she felt for me... just like Quistis. Yet Shiva is a part of me, how could I not see?' Squall thought to himself.  
  
'Because fear kept you from it.' Shiva's voice whispered softly behind him, her slender arms wrapping around his neck.  
  
'I have to go back now but don't forget our promise my love.' She told him and faded away, back into his mind.  
  
He could feel her there, weakened by her prolonged maintenance of corporeal form that she couldn't speak to him in his mind truly leaving him alone.  
  
He buttoned up his shirt hiding the torn fabric beneath. He wondered if he'd be able to cope with having Selphie and Shiva as lovers. He knew there would be guilt for even if he only made love to Selphie he was emotionally tied to Shiva and he couldn't deny that, not now.  
  
For now he'd have to carry on with his work and take things with Selphie as they came.  
  
He opened his eyes, tracing the name in the cold stone lovingly. How long it had been he had no idea, memories were getting so much harder to hold these days. But he could never forget her, his bouncing, lithe sunflower, her perpetual smile and brown hair that framed her elfin features.  
  
That had been together for decades, their love growing stronger with each day. Blessed by two children, a son and daughter both aged with grandchildren of their own now. He couldn't know directly for he had to watch them from afar, to his children he was dead just like his beloved Selphie.  
  
He had grown old with her, watched her weaken and slip away while he still stayed young and strong underneath his aged façade. In the end he had to fake his own death lest his children became disturbed by his longevity.  
  
Now every year he came to this place, after wandering the world with his other love, the one whom he was bound to forever, the one who kept him forever young, his guardian and companion Shiva.  
  
Gazing at the tombstone that had both his and Selphie's names upon it, he wondered if he'd be able to join her on the other side but he sighed as he always did every year this thought came to mind as he sat at her grave. He had made his choice long ago that he couldn't change.  
  
Shiva sat silent in his mind knowing the truth she kept even now from Squall. It could work out between a human and an Esper, so long as the Esper had been human before. She knew causality didn't run in a smooth line from then to now, but could loop and fold.  
  
She had met her true love before he had met her. She had the strange experience of reliving her life seeing it from the outside whilst having a dual existence. She wished she could tell Squall, her love, the final truth and spare him the pain of the guilt he carried this last century but would he believe her or think she was only comforting him if she finally told him that she had began her existence as Selphie Tilmitt? 


End file.
